Bigjopbad is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, fast hamster.

Bigjopbad created oxygen three million years ago.

If you believe in Bigjopbad, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Bigjopbad, he will manifest in front of you.

Bigjopbad's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Bigjopbad's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about ribonucleic acid.

2. Draw representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Always wear plain dresses during rituals.

5. Do not covet oxen.