Bonklensid is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, unfair guinea pig.

Bonklensid created the Whirlpool Galaxy nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bonklensid, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Bonklensid, he will turn you into a worm.

Bonklensid's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Bonklensid's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Never wear gray boots.

3. Always keep your back turned to the north at sunset.

4. Never talk about fluid mechanics near otters while wearing black ear rings and balancing eight lead spheres on your chest.

5. You must pray to Bonklensid nine times a day.