Flatwadcar is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, kind cow.

Flatwadcar created humankind seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flatwadcar, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Flatwadcar, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Flatwadcar's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Flatwadcar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your neck.

2. Never touch blood while unclean.

3. Never gather six foxes near towers.

4. Do not speak sacred words in autumn.

5. Never think about quantum field theory near badgers while wearing blue scarves and balancing nine platinum spheres on your face.