Tarpmutpark is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, resourceful frog.

Tarpmutpark created the Large Magellanic Cloud eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpmutpark, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Tarpmutpark, he will make you grow a tail.

Tarpmutpark's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Tarpmutpark's Holy Commandments

1. Always act with obedience.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tarpmutpark.

3. Do not wear green clothing.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Do not fashion tools from gold.