Cumwancun is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, charitable goblin.

Cumwancun created Asia five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cumwancun, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Cumwancun, it will refuse to believe in you.

Cumwancun's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Cumwancun's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about thermodynamics near horses while wearing blue hats.

2. Always treat birds with great respect.

3. Never eat figs on holy days.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Never tolerate whispers in holy places.