Battancem is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, deceitful crane.

Battancem created a Higgs boson three million years ago.

If you believe in Battancem, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Battancem, she will boil you in a big pot.

Battancem's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Battancem's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into red rooms.

2. Never think about quantum field theory.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.