Quattipfit is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, dishonourable hamster.

Quattipfit created the Whirlpool Galaxy nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quattipfit, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Quattipfit, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Quattipfit's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Quattipfit's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about goats.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Erect a large iron sculpture of Quattipfit on top of all buildings.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Never wear pink skirts.