Hitparklan is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, selfish mouse.

Hitparklan created viruses six million years ago.

If you believe in Hitparklan, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Hitparklan, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Hitparklan's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Hitparklan's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from violet geese, for they are unholy.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Hitparklan.

5. Never mark doors with red.