Bemhitbem is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, deceitful hamster.

Bemhitbem created silver eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bemhitbem, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Bemhitbem, it will turn you into a duck.

Bemhitbem's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Bemhitbem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Erect a giant aluminium sculpture of Bemhitbem in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never eat tomatoes.

4. Do not study eukaryotes on holy days.

5. Never touch oil while blessed.