Joptimyog Kamcamrag is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, kind hummingbird.

Joptimyog Kamcamrag created the cosmos three billion years ago.

If you believe in Joptimyog Kamcamrag, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Joptimyog Kamcamrag, she will curse you with boils.

Joptimyog Kamcamrag's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Joptimyog Kamcamrag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Joptimyog Kamcamrag.

3. Always check lakes for frogs.

4. Do not eat melons.

5. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near monkeys while wearing fawn rings.