Bonkwonpop is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, humorless cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Bonkwonpop created life two million years ago.

If you believe in Bonkwonpop, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bonkwonpop, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Bonkwonpop's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Bonkwonpop's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Never eat peas on days of mourning.

3. Never speak of fate in the presence of elders.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always help cats.