Tettibanbimmislegsaknarlgov Zedyatjap Quaffetfud is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, happy walrus.

Tettibanbimmislegsaknarlgov Zedyatjap Quaffetfud created carbon two years ago.

If you believe in Tettibanbimmislegsaknarlgov Zedyatjap Quaffetfud, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Tettibanbimmislegsaknarlgov Zedyatjap Quaffetfud, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Tettibanbimmislegsaknarlgov Zedyatjap Quaffetfud's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Tettibanbimmislegsaknarlgov Zedyatjap Quaffetfud's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tettibanbimmislegsaknarlgov Zedyatjap Quaffetfud.

3. Always wear plain dresses during rituals.

4. You must pray to Tettibanbimmislegsaknarlgov Zedyatjap Quaffetfud five times a day.

5. Shun those given to cruelty.