Homlaport is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, benevolent wren.

Homlaport created a Higgs boson two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Homlaport, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Homlaport, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Homlaport's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Homlaport's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Always make sure there are no seals in a building before entering it.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate turtles.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.