Quafbassnarttarp is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, selfish dove.

Quafbassnarttarp created viruses five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quafbassnarttarp, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Quafbassnarttarp, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Quafbassnarttarp's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Quafbassnarttarp's Holy Commandments

1. Always help snakes in need.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Always obey Quafbassnarttarp's priests.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Never talk about squirrels.