Captimlab is a god.

It takes the form of a very thin, ill-tempered human.

Captimlab created a photon five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Captimlab, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Captimlab, it will destroy your home galaxy.

Captimlab's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Captimlab's Holy Commandments

1. Always act with purity when addressing strangers.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Never talk about deoxyribonucleic acid.

4. Never gather four mites near doors.

5. Do not wear stockings marked with black.