Zakmonqueegmabpansaf is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, emotional chinchilla.

Zakmonqueegmabpansaf created snails two million years ago.

If you believe in Zakmonqueegmabpansaf, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Zakmonqueegmabpansaf, it will manifest in front of you.

Zakmonqueegmabpansaf's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Zakmonqueegmabpansaf's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if four ants approach from the south.

2. Do not place gooseberries upon stone.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Do not gather at bridges at dusk.

5. Do not study enzymes on holy days.