Jonjigquim is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, grumpy dingo.

Jonjigquim created a down quark two billion years ago.

If you believe in Jonjigquim, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Jonjigquim, she will turn you into a tree.

Jonjigquim's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Jonjigquim's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit in the presence of manatees.

2. Always keep your back turned to the west at sunset.

3. Always act with humility when addressing elders.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.