Linrutnib is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, narcissistic coyote.

Linrutnib created the planet Venus three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Linrutnib, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Linrutnib, she will turn you into a dog.

Linrutnib's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Linrutnib's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from red shrews for they are unholy.

2. Never think about electromagnetism near manatees while wearing white shorts and balancing six titanium spheres on your hands.

3. Never wear brown coats on sacred days.

4. Never hurt squirrels.

5. Fast once a month.