Damcusslop is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, deceitful tapir.

Damcusslop created snails six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Damcusslop, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Damcusslop, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Damcusslop's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Damcusslop's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Do not prepare gooseberries while wearing tights.

3. Always keep your back turned to the east at sunset.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.