Padsaddog is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, humane lizard.

Padsaddog created carbon five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Padsaddog, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Padsaddog, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Padsaddog's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Padsaddog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not bounce at crossroads.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Never touch ash while clean.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.