Gesslikzed is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, self-confident salamander.

Gesslikzed created the planet Saturn five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gesslikzed, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Gesslikzed, she will throw large rocks at you.

Gesslikzed's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Gesslikzed's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear mauve.

2. Do not speak sacred words in autumn.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Do not place oranges upon stone.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.