Nelzenken is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, duplicitous skunk.

Nelzenken created the Small Magellanic Cloud two years ago.

If you believe in Nelzenken, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Nelzenken, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Nelzenken's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Nelzenken's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large carbon sculpture of Nelzenken on top of all buildings.

2. Never talk about spacetime.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Gulls are not to be trusted.

5. Do not prepare bananas while wearing shirts.