Cutkenhiv is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, selfish troll.

Cutkenhiv created Europe eight million years ago.

If you believe in Cutkenhiv, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Cutkenhiv, it will denounce you as a heretic.

Cutkenhiv's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Cutkenhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Never carve symbols of moons into wood.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Never talk about solid mechanics near hamsters while wearing fawn rings.

4. Pray towards the west.

5. Always act with patience when addressing priests.