Wadmapjan is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, omniscient fish.

Wadmapjan created the cosmos six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Wadmapjan, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Wadmapjan, he will destroy your home planet.

Wadmapjan's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Wadmapjan's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed gooseberries to horses while wearing tights.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Erect a giant purple sculpture of Wadmapjan in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never mark doors with gray.

5. Always stare at clouds.