Japgunarmxin is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, awesome octopus.

Japgunarmxin created a photon seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Japgunarmxin, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Japgunarmxin, she will turn you into a dog.

Japgunarmxin's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Japgunarmxin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not consume lemons at dawn.

2. Never write about asteroids.

3. Do not sing in public.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Do not dye your hair magenta.