Metbisstif Ortrilfod is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, egotistical snail.

Metbisstif Ortrilfod created tapeworms five million years ago.

If you believe in Metbisstif Ortrilfod, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Metbisstif Ortrilfod, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Metbisstif Ortrilfod's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Metbisstif Ortrilfod's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Metbisstif Ortrilfod.

2. Never write about asteroids.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Never wear cyan kilts on sacred days.

5. Never carve symbols of galaxies into wood.