Kemparkbass is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, temperamental dog.

Kemparkbass created an atom eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Kemparkbass, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Kemparkbass, it will throw large rocks at you.

Kemparkbass' most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Kemparkbass' Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry voles.

2. Hide if seven frogs approach from the north.

3. Hide from green aardvarks for they are unholy.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Never hurt capybaras.