Voncapcun is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, witty bear.

Voncapcun created the Small Magellanic Cloud seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Voncapcun, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Voncapcun, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Voncapcun's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Voncapcun's Holy Commandments

1. Never carve symbols of black holes into wood.

2. Do not drink water in yellow rooms.

3. Voncapcun must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Never pray while filled with fear.