Getartlik is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, omnipotent mole.

Getartlik created the planet Saturn two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Getartlik, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Getartlik, she will come to you in dreams.

Getartlik's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Getartlik's Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse blood with water.

2. Always treat turtles with great respect.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Erect a giant titanium sculpture of Getartlik in the centre of the settlement.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.