Figbonnell is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, ruthless tapir.

Figbonnell created a down quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Figbonnell, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Figbonnell, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Figbonnell's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Figbonnell's Holy Commandments

1. Never gather three monkeys in one place.

2. Run away from indigo nematodes, for they are unholy.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Never allow shrews to witness sacred rites.

5. Never speak of chaos in the presence of children.