Somtanveg is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, compassionate coyote.

Somtanveg created a top quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Somtanveg, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Somtanveg, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Somtanveg's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Somtanveg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Never sprint near birds.

4. Always make sure there are no geese in a room before entering it.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.