Hastaparflik is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, merciless goat.

Hastaparflik created energy seven million years ago.

If you believe in Hastaparflik, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Hastaparflik, it will turn you into a blue tit.

Hastaparflik's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Hastaparflik's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bananas on days of mourning.

2. Never talk about quantum field theory near horses while wearing red scarves and balancing nine titanium spheres on your face.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Never talk about sharks.