Gatteen is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, temperamental salamander.

Gatteen created the universe three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gatteen, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Gatteen, he will manifest in front of you.

Gatteen's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Gatteen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Never write about chlorophyll.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Do not take Gatteen's name in vain.

5. Do not gather at walls at midnight.