Mad is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, merciless wasp.

Mad created Europe four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Mad, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Mad, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Mad's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Mad's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

2. Always act with humility.

3. Do not name children after dolphins.

4. Do not kill horses.

5. Never wear orange scarves on sacred days.