Wonfatran Vonkjipcan is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, blissful ant.

Wonfatran Vonkjipcan created the Small Magellanic Cloud five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Wonfatran Vonkjipcan, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Wonfatran Vonkjipcan, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Wonfatran Vonkjipcan's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Wonfatran Vonkjipcan's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about eukaryotes.

2. Erect a giant platinum sculpture of Wonfatran Vonkjipcan in the centre of the settlement.

3. Do not name children after shrews.

4. Do not record numbers concerning dwarf planets.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Wonfatran Vonkjipcan.