Baplargnanmatnib is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, fast human.

Baplargnanmatnib created the Cigar Galaxy four billion years ago.

If you believe in Baplargnanmatnib, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Baplargnanmatnib, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Baplargnanmatnib's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Baplargnanmatnib's Holy Commandments

1. Always wash your chest before prayer.

2. Baplargnanmatnib loves ducks, so they must be honoured.

3. Never prepare rice during summer.

4. Never wear corsets.

5. Never think about black holes.