Gunlagvol is a god.

He takes the form of a small, able walrus.

Gunlagvol created humankind nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Gunlagvol, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Gunlagvol, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Gunlagvol's most sacred site is Inshas in Egypt.

Gunlagvol's Holy Commandments

1. Shun those given to cruelty.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Gunlagvol.

4. Never talk about electromagnetism near frogs while wearing indigo stockings.

5. Never wear white tights on sacred days.