Jatsisleg Nelbitdudlatlid Futvolgam is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, dishonest grasshopper.

Jatsisleg Nelbitdudlatlid Futvolgam created the universe eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jatsisleg Nelbitdudlatlid Futvolgam, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Jatsisleg Nelbitdudlatlid Futvolgam, he will denounce you as a heretic.

Jatsisleg Nelbitdudlatlid Futvolgam's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Jatsisleg Nelbitdudlatlid Futvolgam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of gold.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate horses.

3. Never feed lots of bread to seals while wearing pink rings.

4. Run away if seven great tits approach from the west.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.