Car is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, vain scorpion.

Car created the Sombrero Galaxy two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Car, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Car, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Car's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Car's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Nematodes are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.