Figgonfun is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, two-faced whale.

Figgonfun created the Large Magellanic Cloud seven million years ago.

If you believe in Figgonfun, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Figgonfun, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Figgonfun's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Figgonfun's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Always act with obedience.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Do not study bacteria on holy days.