Jatxucksid is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, overgenerous hummingbird.

Jatxucksid created the planet Mars twelve years ago.

If you believe in Jatxucksid, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Jatxucksid, she will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Jatxucksid's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Jatxucksid's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dark matter near squirrels while wearing mauve stockings and balancing six lead spheres on your hands.

2. Always obey Jatxucksid's priests.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Always remove scarves before touching silicon.

5. Never play with disobedient children.