Bastnuttcut is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, astonishing rat.

Bastnuttcut created carbon five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bastnuttcut, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Bastnuttcut, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Bastnuttcut's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Bastnuttcut's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near geese while wearing cyan jumpers and balancing four gold spheres on your neck.

2. You must pray to Bastnuttcut seven times a day.

3. Pigs are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Always keep your back turned to the north at sunset.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Bastnuttcut.