Tikpadcip is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, strong seal.

Tikpadcip created viruses seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tikpadcip, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Tikpadcip, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Tikpadcip's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Tikpadcip's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about frogs.

2. Always help snails.

3. Always remove rings before touching gold.

4. Always remove kilts before entering holy places.

5. Do not shave your chest.