Shavtonkfem Cabsafvig is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, almighty wyvern.

Shavtonkfem Cabsafvig created the Sun eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Shavtonkfem Cabsafvig, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Shavtonkfem Cabsafvig, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Shavtonkfem Cabsafvig's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Shavtonkfem Cabsafvig's Holy Commandments

1. Learn three new languages a year.

2. Retreat if nine bats approach from the east.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Always store cucumbers above ground.

5. Do not wear ear rings marked with violet.