Satbangom is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, tiresome shark.

Satbangom created a photon four billion years ago.

If you believe in Satbangom, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Satbangom, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Satbangom's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Satbangom's Holy Commandments

1. Never record numbers.

2. Never whisper while facing north.

3. Never carve symbols of black holes into wood.

4. Never allow birds to witness sacred rites.

5. Never gather five frogs near wells.