Gutyargid is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, narcissistic manatee.

Gutyargid created life eight million years ago.

If you believe in Gutyargid, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gutyargid, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Gutyargid's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Gutyargid's Holy Commandments

1. Never record numbers.

2. Never look at asteroids.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not travel during winter.