Labmitlabkim is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, two-faced snail.

Labmitlabkim created silver nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Labmitlabkim, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Labmitlabkim, it will refuse to believe in you.

Labmitlabkim's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Labmitlabkim's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about spacetime near bats while wearing mauve ear rings and balancing five silicon spheres on your face.

2. Do not name children after mice.

3. Heed all dreams.

4. Do not consume figs at dawn.

5. Never eat bark.