Jadfengof is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, self-confident lobster.

Jadfengof created tapeworms nine million years ago.

If you believe in Jadfengof, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Jadfengof, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Jadfengof's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Jadfengof's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about gulls.

2. Always store cucumbers above ground.

3. Remain kneeling during prayer.

4. Never talk about quantum field theory near snails while wearing pink shoes and balancing eight copper spheres on your chest.

5. Never handle silicon while unclean.