Barntabhottag is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, unthinking lizard.

Barntabhottag created Asia four years ago.

If you believe in Barntabhottag, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Barntabhottag, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Barntabhottag's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Barntabhottag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair yellow.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Always make sure there are no snakes in a building before entering it.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Do not hurt turtles.