Dossmatflam is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, vain yak.

Dossmatflam created Asia five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dossmatflam, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Dossmatflam, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Dossmatflam's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Dossmatflam's Holy Commandments

1. Always remove dresses before entering holy places.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Dossmatflam loves foxes, so they must be honoured.

4. Retreat if eight hamsters approach from the west.

5. Never talk about fire.