Mutlinnurt is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, selfish turtle.

Mutlinnurt created humankind six million years ago.

If you believe in Mutlinnurt, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Mutlinnurt, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Mutlinnurt's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Mutlinnurt's Holy Commandments

1. Never mark doors with green.

2. Do not resist balance.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always maintain purity during days of mourning.

5. Do not contemplate the weak nuclear force during the night.